I’m reading “Way of The Peaceful Warrior” by Dan Millman and it’s fantastic. Much of what I write here, on my personal blog, will directly relate to this work. 

Tonight the quote I choose to focus on is a gem from the first chapter. Our hero is still trying to grasp how he feels about old man Socrates, and when he visits him the second time, he thinks,

“What could I say to impress upon him the fact that I was a highly intelligent person?”

This hit me like a bowling ball to the face. I’m not sure if the message translated to me was the one the author intended, but the impact was huge nonetheless.

I, a turbulent seventeen-year-old erupting with ideas and new knowledge that I simply must bestow upon everyone I come across, have often wondered how I can impress upon others the fact that I am a highly intelligent person, even if I didn’t realize it until this moment. 

Nearly everything I write or say is completely authentic and from my soul, but when talking to certain people of status, I absolutely frame my expression of authenticity in a way I think will portray me as a highly intelligent and exceptional young man, when the intentional nature of this stunts the degree of authenticity in itself.

I find it happening particularly in my new Praxis environment, but only in some areas. With my peers, I feel an ability to be more authentic than I have ever been in my entire life. But I see myself intensely wanting to impress the Praxis staff in a way that will make them consider me a highly intelligent and competent person. I frame what I say around convincing them that I’m worthy of their words. If I get a comment on a status or see them writing something I agree with, I strategize less why I agree or if the comment warrants a response, and more how clever or impressive my own response will be, and how it may affect the perception of my intellect. 

Now, to an extent, this is understandable. When someone is holding the cookie, you’re more conscious of what you say to that person. Of course, we want the immense respect we have for others to be mutual. But there is a fine line. 

I thought about this more and I began to see how much this facade of demonstrating knowledge and wit was as integral to the structure of the way I communicate as the message itself. Even this post contains traces of it, as I know I’m going to share it with several peers and advisors. I can feel myself considering what their reaction will be reading this, even down to this word. It doesn’t end.

Even though I knew my act was small compared to much of what I saw (I even advised a peer about it this very day), I desperately wished to learn how to authentically remove the mask entirely, even if it was thin. I became viciously frustrated with the constant conscience that encouraged me to say certain things or act a certain way, and I wanted so badly to be able to make it go away. I hated it because in a way, I was its prisoner. As long as I think for even a moment to express myself that is in anyway different from my inner self, I am not free. I wanted to learn how to bathe in undying authenticity. I identified what caused me to feel this way, but still it remained.

It still remains, but in my introspection I learned some questions and ideas that have already helped me immensely. If you have ever felt this way, these things may help you too.

• Concern yourself less with “Do I sound authentic?” and more with “Am I being authentic?” It doesn’t seem like a big deal, but actively thinking about this distinction will change the way you communicate. 
• “Would I write this in my journal?” The purpose of this is forcing yourself to challenge the alignment of what you are saying with what you actually believe. 
• People can sense authenticity. They will always be drawn to it. It’s not your worry to portray it but your goal to embody it because when you do, people will begin to take notice on their own. You don’t need to convince them. 
• Don’t ever do anything to impress anyone else. Do things to create beautiful value. If you’re focused on who you’re going to impress, you won’t create the value you want. If you focus on being a badass for you, people will be impressed anyway.
• Lastly, ask “Would I state this opinion this way if I were talking to someone else?” and “Would I respond at all were it someone else?” These are huge and I recommend them for Facebook comments and statuses. Don’t take these questions for granted. 

Most of you reading this will be my fellow Praxian peers, and for those who relate so far, I have a message. 

I know the pressure to impress the top Praxis staff. I feel the need to prove intelligence, wit, and knowledge. I understand the desire to maintain their respect, the good feeling that comes when they respond to a status or give insight on a comment, and the satisfaction after a clever response that gets a like. I’ve felt it in my bones as much as many of you who relate to this. 

Start focusing on you, and not on any others. Don’t just say this; live it. Give the controversial opinion. Only give insight when you actually have some, and make sure you would say it regardless of who you’re saying it to. Respectfully disagree. Don’t change your opinion because of who has the opposite. Study every comment, every email for authenticity not to impress, but to create a habit of living maskless. Erase a comment that only serves the purpose of creating attention. Speak from your soul. Never act to show authenticity but only to embody it. 

In starting Praxis Isaac didn’t concern himself with impressing mentors, peers, or teachers. He did what made him feel alive and what he knew to be true, and look what it created.  

Stop focusing on impressing, start creating, be you, and know that half the time your comment isn’t necessary anyway. If you’re being extraordinary, people won’t need to be convinced. They’ll notice.