Nobody cares about you.

Okay, let’s take a step back. There are people who care about your wellbeing. Your friends, your family, your significant other. These people, of course, care about you. But there’s more. 

Recall a time you found yourself in a this position. There’s someone who just gets to you. Everything they do, it seems like they do it to bring you down. 

They’re rude, passive aggressive, and you want to know what’s going on in their head. “I swear they’re out to get me,” you tell yourself. “They are constantly making my life harder when I’ve done nothing to harm them!”

Why have they made it their goal to attack your life? Why do you deserve such atrocious treatment? Who do they think they are?  

There’s an answer to these questions.

Nobody cares about you.

Nobody has the time or energy to spend their day worrying about how to bring you down. They’re too busy worrying about they’re own dreams, their own problems, their own goals, and their own lives to make attacking your happiness a priority.

They may very well be harming you, but this doesn’t mean they’re out to get you. It means they determined harming you somehow benefits them. In this scenario, figure out why harming you would benefit them. 

Keep in mind they’re likely convinced of the same thing you are. It wouldn’t be surprising if they think you are out to get them. 

Their hostility is likely met with hostility, leading to more hostility. In reality, neither of you are even remotely concerned with harming the other. In this case, there’s a communication barrier that must be torn down.

There are two things to be done.

First, consciously determine why they are behaving the way they are behaving.

Are you aiming at same promotion?

Are you a threat to their personal life, to a romantic relationship?

Are they acting out of fear, convinced they’re protecting their own happiness?

Second, break the communication barrier. This is the fastest way to solve the problem.

“Hey ________, it seems there’s a issue between you and I. I’m not sure when it started but I think it might have something to do with ________. I want you to know I have no problem with you and that end of the day, you’re a stellar person.  I’m truly sorry if any of my actions have ever caused you harm, it’s never been my intention. I don’t like it when there’s weirdness between me and people I want to respect, and I’d love to remedy the tension. Let’s make peace.”

Text, email, speak, whatever it may be. The solution to tension is usually only one simply reaching out. If they ignore your attempts to make peace, know that you did what you could, and move on. 

Don’t wait for the other person to be a peacemaker. You have to be the one.