I have learned that even when I take away all the material escapes, I still avoid facing myself. I lay around in thoughts, I sit in idleness, I find cognitive ways to not truly face the Truth.

I was in the woods and there was a mirror in this spot, and I chose to sit and look myself in the eye, and stayed there for three hours.

For a long time, my whole body resisted it and tried to stop it. It caused tiny twitches in my eye so I couldn’t hold the contact, it constantly found reasons to stop this, anything.

But I stayed there. I decided that nothing could make me move. I decided to sit with anything that came, including the resistance, including the refusal to experience myself.

Eventually, I found that I was looking at a hurt, deeply suffering person. At least, that was one part of me that existed in this body (that are many parts, happy and sad, in all of us). The eyes were half closed and they communicated true despair.

I did not want to see that person. I did not want to see on this face that is mine weakness, agony, and misery. I wanted to see confidence, power, and joy. But I sat there anyway, and the face of a scared, sad boy took stage.

And as I remained there, I began to feel a true compassion for myself. It was as if on this side of the mirror I was strong and loving, and I was looking at this person, finally saying, “I understand.”

I felt grounded in a way I never had. There was something about the long term of this that just brought my body to the present and allowed it to relax. Because I was finally done running. After so long, I was done.

I’ve been doing around 10-20 minutes a day of this now, and there are many things to process. Self-hatred has been frequent, and I am often looking into the eyes of someone who is angry with me and hates my guts. That is a scary thing, to look into the eyes of someone who does not like you, and give them love.

My practice is to say in my mind to me with my eyes, “There is nothing I won’t sit here with. I love you unconditionally. There is nothing you can show me that will make me run away. I have you.”

Because of this practice, I have experienced a growing sensation of true groundedness and self-love. For the first time, love of self is not just a sentiment. There is no happiness or euphoria—there is just the true knowledge that this guy Jackson will see me and sit with me and support me no matter what. It is like I am developing a relationship with myself, and rebuilding years of neglecting that relationship.

Now, when I go to the mirror, I often smile. I often experience at elation at what a beautiful person I am, and I experience love for this person.

I encourage you to go set a timer for five minutes, and look into your eyes. Then if you feel inspired, add another ten or twenty.

You deserve a relationship with yourself.